What does Non-Binary Mean (to me)?

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General quick overview about non-binary identites

Well, being non-binary means 'having a gender identity that does not fully, always and/or at all conform to the gender binary'. The 'gender binary' has only two genders: male and female.
According to some idiots, most notably Donald Trump, these are the only two genders that exist.
But there is WAY more variety in gender identity beyond the binary. A non-binary person either:

has a gender identity that can best be explained by a set of existing gender identities (polygender/bigender), most notably being partly male and partly female;
has a gender identity that only partly conforms to a gender identity (demigender), like only being partly male (demiboy) or partly female (demigirl);
has a gender identity that varies (genderfluid);
has a gender identity that is best explained by concepts not normally thought of when it comes to gender (xenogenders)
has a neutral gender identity;
has no gender identity at all (agender);
uses traditional 'third gender' or non-binary gender system to describe their gender identity;
or any combination of the above.

Beware that gender identity is NOT the same as one's sex at birth. This is often divided into male, female and intersex, the latter being combinations or variations of the former two sexes which appeared at birth. Not all non-binary people are intersex, and vice versa.

My non-binary gender identity

I was assigned male at birth (AMAB) and quite happy about this until in my teenage years. When I learnt about the word 'non-binary' I thought that the word fit me pretty much like a glove as I felt like my personality didn't squarely fit into the masculine gender role. This was further amplified when I turned 18 and looked at myself for a little bit. I saw the breasts that developed during puberty stayed. AMAB teenagers sometimes develop breasts during puberty as a result of hormonal imbalance, but they in most cases disappear just as quickly as they show up. Not in my case though! :)
And that was the moment I decided to adopt the non-binary umbrella! I didn't know any exact terms at the time but I did intend to look a bit more like a mixture of both male and female, in terms of clothing and bodily appearance. After later research, I adopted the label 'bigender' as I felt like my gender sits in between male and female on the spectrum.

Non-Binary Transition

This is a very complex topic to talk about in general. Not all non-binary people intend to transition in exactly the way binary trans people do if at all. Some are just happy with their body and expression as-is. For me though, I have adopted several pillars of transition, which sum up to, in order:

Social transitioning and 'coming out';
Make-Up;
Wardrobe changes
Non-surgical breast enhancement.

Social transitioning

For many people, this is the first step of their transition, and for some, it (temporarily) ends here. For me, it was only the beginning!
Before I was sure of my gender identity, I already used 'they/them' pronouns on DeviantArt but didn't add them anywhere else nor told IRL people a lot. Secondary school is inherently toxic plus I was in doubt about whether this will stay.
Only after my 18th birthday did I officially come out on YouTube and discuss the topic with people IRL. Most of those accepted the change, but bullying at secondary temporarily increased...
I didn't (intend to) change my legal name or place an 'X' on my passport. That could lead to travel restrictions including to Peru, where my father lives. However I do prefer the they/them pronouns (though I don't mind too much if you use he/him pronouns for the moment, because I know some people don't know). I even got a little pronoun pin, visible in the below image.

Unfortunately, this pronoun pin one day literally fell into the toilet, so I have a new, smaller pin. Still the same idea though!

Make-Up

In the very first days of identifying as a non-binary person, I went to a local make-up store to get a set for make-up, consisting of a blue pencil and combination red/glitter eye shadow. I also got a red cherry lip balm. The pencil didn't get too much use at the time, but the other two items did! That was, until one day in my dorm room in Eindhoven, I didn't pay attention to my stuff and the eye shadow fell. I had to throw it out as it opened up, and didn't have make-up for a time. Fine I thought, until I had a desire to try again. I got the same pencil, a red eye shadow box and a glitter box. I use the make-up every day save for one day a week.

Wardrobe changes

GOtcha! I already showed off one of my blouses.
As I was assigned male, I always wore T-shirts with optionally a vest over them. However, moments after I discovered I was non-binary, I tried on my first blouse, and it fit quite well to be honest. I didn't even have to get the blouse myself, it was just hanging in a wardrobe that was rigght in my room, just never really had this section opened. Only recently did I buy a blouse for myself. I also bought two bras during the non-surgical breast enhancement process and almost wore it every day afterwards. :) My general intent with clothing is to have more feminine clothing on top (blouses, bras) and more masculine clothing (shoes, pants) on bottom.

Non-surgical breast enhancement ('NBE')

The Breast Pump

This one took a little time to get going. At first, I had a single breast enhancement cup with a bubble pump, but that one didn't go well. I had to do each breast, one by one, for ~30 minutes. So with all the hassle of using it, it went in a box where I rarely used it and then left it behind at my Eindhoven dorm room.
After for some reason I was expelled, and my Mom turned the first floor into an appartment of mine, I got myself a more expensive double breast enhancement pump and committed seriously to non-surgical breast enhancement. I didn't intend to take a surgical process because of the high price and risks when taken as an elective surgery, the long waiting lists for gender-affirming care, the fact that I didn't intend full body feminization (always happens when using HRT as a prior procedure for the surgery) and I thought seeing my breasts grow and accumulate mass over time would be a lot of fun! And it absolutely was! :D I actually took more photos of my breast growth than could fit on this page, and so I only have the first and the latest (as of 2025-09-17) photos below as a comparison, as well as a photo of me on this older pump. It was a toy, however, and so I eventually had to get a new, larger one to replace it.

These photos are NSFW. Thus, you need to enable the 'NSFW' checkbox to see them.

Herbal treatment & Massages

I at first stayed away from herbal treatment since I thought it would be too expensive. However, after a while I asked for advice on the Breast Nexum forum dedicated to male breast enlargement. I got a lot of tips from this, including the fact that PM (Puraeria Mrifica) is one of the best herbs for NBE. However, I started off with FG (Fenugreek) oil, buying one bottle after further research.

That was the bottle. It came with a pipet which was HORRIBLE to use and broke quickly. So I applied it with my hands and did an absolute LOT of massaging. It always feels like my breasts just want to get attention all day. :) However, a couple weeks later, it ran out. A moment after my Summer break my mom bought me a castor oil bottle and I started using it. The FG oil went on every day, the castor oil once or twice a week.
My intent is to keep the pumping and castor oil going for at least the period until September 2026. When the castor oil runs out, I will likely get a tube of PM cream. This will be finished after October 2026 with the addition of progrestrone cream for some finishing touches.

Video

I made a video about non-binary identities as well. You can watch it here in you want this a little better explained. :)

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